Bedtime Battles: Understanding and Reducing Resistance
If bedtime has turned into stalling, crying, repeated requests, or a child who suddenly “hates sleep”, you are not alone. Bedtime battles are one of the most common sleep challenges for babies and toddlers, and they can start even when sleep was previously going well.
The key is that bedtime resistance is not usually about one thing. It tends to be a mix of sleep pressure, routine timing, development, and your child’s emotional needs, and the solution depends on which driver is strongest for your child right now.
This blog explains why bedtime battles happen, what they commonly look like at different ages, and how to reduce resistance in a way that still feels connected and sustainable.
What counts as a bedtime battle?
Bedtime battles can look like:
crying as soon as the bedtime routine starts
fighting being put down
repeated requests, water, snacks, toilet, one more book
leaving the bedroom or getting out of bed repeatedly
needing a parent to stay to fall asleep
taking longer than 30 minutes to fall asleep most nights
“false starts”, falling asleep then waking shortly after
If your child is waking soon after bedtime, that is often a false start. See Why Is My Baby Having False Starts? because the cause is usually linked to sleep pressure or bedtime timing.
Why bedtime battles happen
Sleep pressure is off
This is the most common driver.
If your child is under tired, they have energy to push back at bedtime. If they are overtired, their nervous system can be dysregulated, making it harder to settle calmly.
If you are not sure which one you are dealing with, start with Undertired vs Overtired: How to Tell the Difference.
If your child has started fighting sleep after a period of smooth bedtimes, it may be time to adjust awake windows, see When to Increase Awake Windows (And When Not To) and When to Decrease Awake Windows.
Development and regressions
Bedtime resistance often spikes during developmental leaps, when sleep needs shift and emotions run higher.
Common stages include:
4 month sleep regression
8–10 month sleep regression
12 month sleep regression
15–18 month sleep regression
24 month sleep regression
During these stages, your child may need slightly different routines or more connection at bedtime for a period of time.
Separation anxiety
A child can be tired and still resist sleep if separation feels hard.
This is common in babyhood and toddlerhood and often shows up as crying the moment you leave, clinging during the bedtime routine, or repeated overnight reassurance seeking.
See Separation Anxiety and Sleep if this sounds familiar.
Fear and imagination
After age two, bedtime resistance is often linked to fear, not stubbornness. Toddlers become more imaginative and more aware of what they cannot see.
If your toddler is suddenly anxious about the room, shadows, or being alone, read Fear of the Dark.
The environment is not supporting sleep
Light, noise, temperature, and stimulation can all increase bedtime resistance.
If your child seems more restless or more “wired” at night, review Creating a Sleep Conducive Environment.
If your child is still young, safe sleep foundations matter too, see Safe Sleep Guidelines and Creating a Safe Sleep Environment.
Boundaries and reinforcement
Toddlers quickly learn what works.
If getting out of bed leads to long chats, snacks, extra cuddles, or you lying with them until they fall asleep, they will repeat it, not because they are manipulative, but because it is effective.
If your toddler is leaving the room, see Getting Out of Bed at Night: Why Toddlers Do It.
How to reduce bedtime resistance
1. Anchor bedtime to an age appropriate routine
Bedtime battles are much harder to solve when naps and wake time are inconsistent. Your routine is your foundation.
If you are in the infant stage, go straight to your age routine blog, 4 Month Sleep Routine, 5 Month Sleep Routine, 6 Month Sleep Routine, or 8–10 Month Sleep Routine.
For toddlers, routine stability matters even more, see 24+ Month Sleep Routine.
2. Adjust awake windows gradually
If bedtime resistance has increased, your child may need a small shift in awake time.
Helpful signs include:
takes a long time to fall asleep, under tired is more likely
meltdowns, wired behaviour, false starts, overtired is more likely
Use When to Increase Awake Windows (And When Not To) and When to Decrease Awake Windows to guide changes without tipping into overtiredness.
3. Keep the bedtime routine predictable and calm
A consistent bedtime routine reduces anxiety and signals sleep.
If you need structure, follow Creating a Night Routine That Supports Sleep.
A strong routine is calm, repetitive, and finishes the same way each night.
4. Offer connection before separation
Many bedtime battles improve when you add intentional connection before bed.
This might look like:
10 minutes of one on one play
a longer cuddle
a slow wind down with predictable cues
This is especially useful when separation anxiety or fear is driving resistance.
5. Reduce stimulation in the last hour
Screens, rough play, bright lighting, and a busy household can all increase bedtime resistance.
If evenings are chaotic, check Creating a Sleep Conducive Environment and aim for a calmer lead in.
6. Respond consistently to stalling
Toddlers need boundaries they can predict.
If bedtime becomes a loop of requests, aim for:
a short, confident response
one boundary, repeated consistently
minimal back and forth
If your toddler is physically leaving the room, use the plan in Getting Out of Bed at Night: Why Toddlers Do It.
7. If fear is involved, support it without escalating it
Validate the feeling, keep the response calm, and keep bedtime consistent.
Night lights and comforters can help, see Introducing a Comforter: When and How and Fear of the Dark.
What not to do
These tend to make bedtime battles worse:
changing the plan every few nights
long explanations at the doorway
adding new sleep props constantly
pushing bedtime later and later without checking sleep pressure
accidentally turning bedtime into the most rewarding part of the day
Your consistency is what reduces resistance over time.
How long does it take to improve?
If you make the right change for the right cause, many families see improvement within one to two weeks.
If resistance is linked to a regression, illness, or a big change, it can take longer.
If bedtime battles are chronic and escalating, it usually means the routine foundation needs adjusting, or there is a strong boundary and reinforcement loop that needs a clear plan.
Looking ahead
Bedtime battles are common, but they do not have to be your normal. When you understand the driver, align routine and sleep pressure, and respond consistently, bedtime can become calmer and more predictable again.
The 5–24 Month Infant Course supports families through bedtime resistance, routines, awake windows, regressions, naps, and night waking with clear age specific guidance, so you know exactly what to do at each stage.
For toddlers, the Toddler Course supports families through toddler sleep challenges including bedtime battles, fears, getting out of bed, parasomnias, overnight waking, and emotional development, with practical strategies that grow with your child.
If you want long term guidance across both baby and toddler stages, the Infant and Toddler Bundle gives you the full roadmap through the early years, so you can handle each stage with confidence.
Eva Beke
Certified Paediatric Sleep Consultant
Founder The Sleepy Little Bubs
I’m Eva Beke, a certified baby and toddler sleep consultant and founder of The Sleepy Little Bubs, supporting families across Australia and the world with evidence based baby and toddler sleep support.
My approach is realistic, supportive, and designed to evolve as your child grows, so you’re not just getting help for today, but confidence moving forward.
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