Fear of the Dark: Why It Happens and How to Support It
If your toddler suddenly becomes anxious at bedtime, refuses to go into their room, or starts calling out for you the moment the lights go off, you are not imagining it. Fear of the dark is a very common developmental phase, and it often appears after a period where bedtime was previously going smoothly.
This stage can feel draining because it tends to show up at the end of the day when everyone is tired, and it can quickly turn into bedtime battles, repeated requests, and frequent overnight calling out. The good news is that fear of the dark is both normal and very workable with the right approach.
This guide explains why fear of the dark happens, what it commonly looks like, what helps, and when to look deeper.
What is fear of the dark?
Fear of the dark is an age appropriate fear that develops as a child’s imagination expands and their awareness of separation increases. It is not manipulation. It is not bad behaviour. It is a sign your child’s brain is developing and they are beginning to understand that the world can feel uncertain when they cannot see what is around them.
For many toddlers, darkness represents separation, unpredictability, and loss of control, all of which can feel bigger at bedtime.
When does fear of the dark usually start?
Fear of the dark most commonly shows up in toddlerhood, often somewhere between 2 and 4 years. Some children experience it earlier, particularly if they are very sensitive, highly imaginative, or going through a big period of change.
It can also flare during stages like the 24 Month Sleep Regression, especially when toddlers are experiencing emotional growth, boundary testing, and stronger awareness of independence.
Why does fear of the dark happen?
Fear of the dark usually comes from a combination of developmental changes.
Imagination and cognitive growth
As toddlers grow, they can picture things that are not present. This is a huge cognitive leap, but it also means they can imagine scary possibilities, shadows, or “things” in the room.
Increased awareness and separation
Toddlers become more aware of separation and safety, and bedtime is one of the biggest separations of the day. This is why fear of the dark often overlaps with separation anxiety, even if your child seems confident during the day.
Big life changes
Fear of the dark often appears alongside changes such as:
moving rooms
moving into a big bed
starting daycare
a new sibling
illness or disrupted routines
If bedtime has been unsettled since a change, it can help to look at the sleep foundations too, including toddler environment and bedtime battles.
What does fear of the dark look like?
Common signs include:
refusing to enter their bedroom
becoming distressed when lights go off
repeatedly asking for you to stay
wanting extra checks, reassurance, or rituals
waking overnight scared and calling out
suddenly needing a parent present to fall asleep
Sometimes children will say things like “monsters” or “shadows”. Even if it sounds irrational, it feels real to them in that moment.
What helps fear of the dark
1. Validate the feeling without feeding the fear
Your child does not need you to agree that something scary is there, they need you to reassure them that they are safe.
Helpful phrases include:
“I can see you feel worried, I am here.”
“Your room is safe, it is time for sleep.”
“I will check on you after I go out.”
Try to avoid long debates or over explaining, because this can keep their brain activated.
2. Make the room feel predictable
A calm, consistent toddler environment makes bedtime feel safer.
Supportive changes can include:
a soft night light if needed
keeping the bedroom layout consistent
using the same comforter and sleep cues
closing doors or curtains in the same way each night
If your child is still in the cot, a comforter can sometimes help. If they are in a bed, a comforter is usually a great tool.
3. Use a comforter as a sleep cue
A comforter can provide familiarity and reassurance, especially for children who struggle with separation.
If you have not introduced one yet, see Introducing a Comforter: When and How.
4. Keep the bedtime routine steady
Fear increases when bedtime feels unpredictable or drawn out.
A consistent bedtime routine helps their brain know what comes next. The routine does not need to be long, it just needs to be the same.
If you want a structure, see Creating a Night Routine That Supports Sleep.
5. Offer controlled choices before bed
Fear of the dark often comes with a need for control. Giving small choices earlier in the routine can reduce resistance later.
For example:
choosing pyjamas
choosing between two books
choosing which teddy comes to bed
This helps meet the need for independence before you ask them to separate.
6. Reduce repeated checks without going cold
Many toddlers get stuck in a loop of repeated requests because it becomes the way they delay separation.
A helpful strategy is planned check ins, where you reassure them you will return briefly and then follow through. This builds trust and reduces calling out over time.
If bedtime has become a long battle every night, see Bedtime Battles: Why They Happen and What Helps once that blog is live.
What not to do
Fear of the dark tends to grow when adults accidentally reinforce it.
Try to avoid:
“monster sprays” or elaborate rituals that confirm something is there
repeatedly turning on all the lights and scanning the room
letting bedtime become a long negotiation
adding new sleep props every few nights
Comfort and reassurance are important, but consistency is what helps the fear fade.
When fear of the dark is not the main issue
Sometimes fear of the dark is real, but it is not the main driver of sleep disruption.
If your toddler is also:
overtired from a late bedtime
napping too long or too late
waking for long periods overnight
sleep pressure may be contributing.
In those cases, it can help to review your routine and look for signs of undertired vs overtired, and if overnight awake periods are happening, explore All About Split Nights: The Overnight Party once live.
Looking ahead
Fear of the dark is a normal phase, and most children move through it with steady support. The goal is not to remove every fear instantly, it is to help your child feel safe, keep bedtime predictable, and build confidence over time.
The Toddler Course supports families through toddler sleep challenges including fears, bedtime resistance, overnight waking, boundaries, and emotional development, with practical strategies that grow with your child.
If fear of the dark is happening alongside larger sleep disruption, regressions, or nap transitions, the Infant and Toddler Bundle provides long term guidance through every stage so you always know what to expect and how to respond.
Eva Beke
Certified Paediatric Sleep Consultant
Founder The Sleepy Little Bubs
I’m Eva Beke, a certified baby and toddler sleep consultant and founder of The Sleepy Little Bubs, supporting families across Australia and the world with evidence based baby and toddler sleep support.
My approach is realistic, supportive, and designed to evolve as your child grows, so you’re not just getting help for today, but confidence moving forward.
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