Separation Anxiety and Sleep: What’s Normal and How to Help
If sleep suddenly feels harder, your baby cries the moment you leave the room, or your toddler becomes extra clingy at bedtime, you are not imagining it. Separation anxiety is one of the most common reasons sleep can feel unsettled, even when routines were previously going well.
This stage is developmentally normal. It is not a sign you have done anything wrong and it does not mean sleep is broken. It simply means your child’s awareness has grown, and sleep can be the place where that awareness shows up most strongly.
This guide explains what separation anxiety is, when it commonly peaks, how it can affect sleep, and what you can do to support your child while keeping sleep steady.
What is separation anxiety?
Separation anxiety is a normal developmental stage where your child becomes more aware that you can leave and come back, and they begin to protest separation, especially when tired.
It is closely linked to cognitive development, attachment, and increasing awareness of their environment. For some children it shows up mildly, for others it feels intense, particularly at naps, bedtime, and overnight wakes.
When does separation anxiety peak?
Separation anxiety can appear at different points, but common peaks include:
Around 8 to 10 months
Around 12 months
Between 15 and 18 months
Around 2 years for some toddlers
These peaks often overlap with regressions, changing sleep needs, and major developmental leaps, which is why separation anxiety is so frequently mistaken for a “sleep regression”.
If you are in one of these windows, it can help to explore 8–10 Month Sleep Regression, 12 Month Sleep Regression, 15–18 Month Sleep Regression, and 24 Month Sleep Regression.
How separation anxiety impacts sleep
Separation anxiety tends to show up most strongly at sleep times because sleep involves two big triggers at once, tiredness and separation.
You might notice:
Crying or distress when you leave the room
Increased contact seeking at bedtime
Short naps or nap refusal
More frequent night waking
Difficulty resettling without you
Bedtime battles in toddlers
In older babies, it can also contribute to false starts, where your child settles initially and then wakes shortly after, needing reassurance. If this is happening, see Why Is My Baby Having False Starts?.
Why it can feel suddenly worse
Separation anxiety often feels like it comes out of nowhere. That is because it is not just about behaviour, it is about development.
As your child’s cognitive awareness expands, they begin to understand:
you exist even when they cannot see you
you can leave
they want to keep you close
This can make sleep feel more emotionally loaded for a period of time.
It can also overlap with changing sleep pressure. If routines are slightly out of sync, tiredness can amplify the emotional reaction. In that case, reviewing Undertired vs Overtired: How to Tell the Difference can help.
What helps separation anxiety at sleep times
The goal is not to eliminate separation anxiety, because it is normal. The goal is to support your child through it without creating patterns that make sleep harder long term.
1. Add connection before sleep, not during the struggle
Separation anxiety is often eased when your child receives intentional connection before you expect them to separate.
This can look like:
ten minutes of one on one time before bed
a longer wind down routine
extra cuddles and calm play after dinner
This builds a full “connection cup” before sleep so bedtime does not become the only moment your child seeks closeness.
If you need support building consistency here, see Creating a Night Routine That Supports Sleep.
2. Keep your response calm and predictable
During separation anxiety, your child is looking for reassurance and safety. A calm, steady response helps them feel secure.
It is not about disappearing quickly or forcing independence. It is about being consistent in how you show up, so your child knows what to expect.
3. Choose a settling approach that matches the stage
Some babies cope well with a direct approach, while others need a more gradual presence when separation anxiety peaks.
If your child is escalating when you leave, more gradual support can help them feel safe while still moving toward independent sleep in a way that fits the stage.
This is especially relevant during the 8 to 10 month period, when emotional awareness can spike.
4. Avoid too many changes at once
Separation anxiety is not the time to change everything.
If you are also:
moving into a cot
moving rooms
starting daycare
dropping a nap
sleep may become more unsettled because your child is managing multiple changes at once.
If this is your situation, it can help to review Daycare and Sleep, Moving From Bassinet to Cot, and When to Move Baby Into Their Own Room.
5. Support the sleep environment
When separation anxiety is strong, small environmental disruptions can make it worse.
A calm sleep space matters. If you need to review this, see Creating a Sleep-Conducive Environment and Creating a Safe Sleep Environment.
What not to do
Separation anxiety can trigger parents into doing whatever works in the moment, which is understandable when you are exhausted. But some responses can unintentionally increase long term waking.
Try to avoid:
introducing new sleep props every few nights
switching approaches repeatedly
turning bedtime into a long negotiation with toddlers
staying until they are fully asleep if you want them to resettle independently later
Support is important, but consistency is what helps this stage pass.
How long does separation anxiety last?
For some babies, separation anxiety peaks for one to three weeks and settles quickly.
For others, it can come in waves for several weeks, especially if it overlaps with a regression or a nap transition.
If sleep disruption continues beyond six weeks, it is usually not “just separation anxiety” anymore. It is often a combination of sleep pressure, routines, and learned patterns that need a clearer plan.
In that case, it can be helpful to look at Why Is My Baby Waking So Frequently at Night? and your age specific routine blog to make sure sleep needs are aligned.
Looking ahead
Separation anxiety is one of the most common and most misunderstood reasons sleep becomes unsettled. The good news is that it is normal, it is temporary, and with the right support, sleep can remain stable through it.
The 5–24 Month Infant Course supports families through separation anxiety at every key stage, alongside routines, settling approaches, regressions, and night waking.
For toddlers, bedtime resistance, emotional development, and fears, the Infant and Toddler Bundle provides long term support through the toddler years, with strategies that adapt as your child grows.
Eva Beke
Certified Paediatric Sleep Consultant
Founder The Sleepy Little Bubs
I’m a certified paediatric sleep consultant and the founder of The Sleepy Little Bubs. I support families through baby and toddler sleep with practical, evidence-based guidance that considers the whole picture - sleep, development, routines, feeding, and family dynamics.
My approach is realistic, supportive, and designed to evolve as your child grows, so you’re not just getting help for today, but confidence moving forward.
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